You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
