This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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