When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
