eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Randomize
