My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
I just googled if crying burns calories
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
