i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
