I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize
