then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
