In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Randomize
