Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Randomize
