that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
Randomize
