It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
