Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
Randomize
