one two three fourrrrnication!
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Randomize
