just come out here and I will go home with you...
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
