[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Carrying your underwear around in your purse on Sunday morning is its own religious experience
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Randomize
