and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
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