First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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