i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
