If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Would it be weird if your parents sold me weed?
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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