You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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