i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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