Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I frew up on some kids lovely sidealk chald drawings..
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
