Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
