Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Randomize
