She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
DON NOT, UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES WATCH CLOWN PORN.
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