I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
just mention it in a side comment sometime today... like oh by the way i have a daughter but um yeah my day was good
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
They said an hour before I even see a doctor...and they noticed the shots tally on my arm.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
