i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Randomize
