They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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