I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Everclear isn't food dammit
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
