I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
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