Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Randomize
