who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize