and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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