Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Omg my orgasm just made the fucking sun come out. Clearly my libido controls the weather now.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
Randomize
