You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
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