People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
