My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Operation Purity has been aborted
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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