I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Walking in on a gay threesome, with a girl in the corner watching and taking vid is a reason to not only knock, but to never go to Savannah.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
