i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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