Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
