Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
