I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
