Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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