He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
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