ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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