There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
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