Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
