9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
my shit smells like andre
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
So. Much. Porn.
Randomize