Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
