I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
