I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
