you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
