Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
I woke up in nothing but a shower cap and your sparkling coke straw snorter thing inbetween my toes. Explain.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Randomize
