I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Randomize
