Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
Randomize
