You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I broke a rule
Which One?!
The one where I shouldn't sleep with your friends. I broke this particular rule 4 times.
You're officially the worst brother ever.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
Randomize
