anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
