Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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