3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
it's like heaven, but drunker
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize