my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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