I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
