how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Randomize
