the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
Randomize
