I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I met the friendliest cop last night
I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
he asked if he should bring the trash can into the room.. apparently i shoved my finger all over his face and said.. shhhh dont talk... just take your pants off.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
