y did u give ur computer a hand job?
your cum blends into my yellow sheets :/
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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