Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Randomize
