can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
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