look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
