I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Randomize
