No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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