I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
