so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
Randomize
