Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
