Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
Randomize
