question - sack: should she or should she not play with it during foreplay?
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
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