you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
All the doctor said was why
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
