got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
they're like a gay fantastic four
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
