fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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