I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
