I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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