And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
