um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i dont even know how to be here
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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