I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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