SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
