Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
