I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
