now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
