I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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