At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
Randomize
