I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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