im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
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