i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
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