my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
She is crazy bro, she'll kiss me after eating her ass but looses her fucking mind if I double dip a french fry in "our" ketchup!
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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