Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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