there's paper in my vomit.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
