I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I have fence marks all over my body
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Randomize
