god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Randomize
