paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
Randomize
