I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Can vaginas get frostbite?
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
Randomize
