Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
