I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
