nutella sex= disaster
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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