she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
whose ass print is on the piano?
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
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